Assassin's Creed, not to be confused with a religious belief in the sanctity of stealthy murder, is in fact a series of historical simulation programs embedded in video games. These programs allow the user, or 'player' as they are whimsically called, to experience the thrill of hopping across rooftops, getting into petty squabbles with soldiers, and engaging in revisionist history without the inconvenience of acquiring a time machine or a PhD in history.
Should you wish to embark on such an adventure, remember to stretch your calves beforehand. Leaping from the Colosseum is no small feat, and the in-game medical coverage is notoriously unreliable.
One can find Assassin's Creed at any reputable vendor of digital escapism, often located in the dusty corners of the internet or in a high-street shop that smells faintly of frustration and snack foods.
Avoid taking historical accuracy too seriously. If you start believing that Leonardo da Vinci's greatest passion was upgrading your weaponry, you might need to lay off the animus for a bit. And always remember to come up for air or, at the very least, a spot of tea.
Fun Fact: The Assassin's Creed universe is based on actual events, just like the moon landings and the notion that the Earth is round. It's true, I promise.
Yearning for historical misadventure? Try 'Ye Olde Assassin's Garments' for all your hooded cloak needs! Perfect for blending into crowds or dramatic wind-swept posing on rooftops.
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