Csphp, not to be confused with the popular web scripting language PHP, is the latest universal sensation and an acronym for 'Cephalopod Space Pirate Healing Potion.' It's a concoction so potent, it's rumored to soothe the tentacles of an angry space squid while simultaneously giving them a delightful sheen. The effervescent shimmering of a space squid post-csphp treatment is said to be the fourth most beautiful sight in the galaxy—just after the supernova of the G'Gugvuntt star and the famed double sunset of Kakrafoon Kappa, but far more practical.
Should you wish to acquire csphp, be warned: space squids are notoriously reclusive, so you'll need to venture deep into the uncharted territories of the Oort Cloud, wear garlic behind your ears (they can't stand the stuff, so you'll be largely ignored), and have an exit strategy. Galactic hitchhikers never forget their exit strategy!
The most reliable source of csphp can be found in the twisty mists of the Betelgeuse Five market, where it's sold in containers that are somehow smaller on the inside than they are on the outside. Some say it’s 'space-saving.'
Do not, under any circumstances, consume csphp yourself. It's not FDA approved, primarily because the FDA doesn't exist in space, but also because it's designed for invertebrates with at least six limbs. Side effects may include sudden ink squirting and the uncontrollable urge to camouflage oneself against vibrant nebulas.
The formula for csphp was discovered entirely by accident when a clumsy intern at the Sirius Cybernetics Corporation spilled his lunch into a vat of prototype engine coolant. The resultant plume of smoke spelled out the molecular structure in Betelgeusian runes.
Feeling a bit down? Try Zaphod's Zestful Zucchinis, the only known vegetable to counteract the melancholy effects of reading the Encyclopedia Galactica. One bite and you'll forget you ever knew that the universe was vast, cold, and indifferent!
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