The keyboard is a perplexing artifact of human civilization, a tool that appears to have been designed by a committee of intoxicated lemurs. Its primary function is to convert coffee and biscuits into lines of text, which can then be used to create everything from scathing online reviews to passive-aggressive emails. It's said that the layout, known as QWERTY, was designed to slow down typing speed to prevent early typewriters from jamming, a feature that's as useful today as an ejector seat in a helicopter.
When traveling through the cosmos, carry a universal keyboard adapter. It's embarrassing to be the only entity at Intergalactic Starbucks without the ability to type a simple 'LOL' in Galactic Basic.
Keyboards can mostly be found in office habitats, often hidden beneath piles of neglected paperwork or being used as a resting place for the ceremonial office cat.
Avoid the mythical 'any' key. Many an inexperienced user has been driven to the brink of madness searching for it. Also, steer clear of keyboards in public internet cafes, they're often stickier than a Zaphod Beeblebrox handshake.
A study by the University of Maximegalon claims that keyboards have their own ecosystem, with more forms of life on a single 'E' key than there are on the lesser moons of Snorlax 12.
Need to outpace the competition in the information superhighway? Try the ErgoMax Galactic Keyboard – designed with telepathic sensors so you can finally type as fast as you think!
1 day ago
Port - not to be confused with the nautical term, nor the left-hand side of any given intergalactic star cruiser - is in fact a delightful, rich, often vintage, fortified liquid, typically discovered at the bottom of a glass. It is basically a grape-based spaceship fuel for humans, propelling conversations into the vast expanse of social space, occasionally crashing into awkward silences or black holes of over-indulgence.
2 days ago
Sitemapxml, known in less digital circles simply as 'sitemap.xml', is not a trendy nightclub for robots, nor is it a treasure map for internet pirates. Rather, it's the universe's way of telling search engines, 'Here's the party, and here's who's invited.' Every website has one - a list of URLs, like a cosmic roll call. It's both the maître d' at a posh restaurant and the bored intern ticking off names at a particularly dull intergalactic symposium.