The keyboard is a perplexing artifact of human civilization, a tool that appears to have been designed by a committee of intoxicated lemurs. Its primary function is to convert coffee and biscuits into lines of text, which can then be used to create everything from scathing online reviews to passive-aggressive emails. It's said that the layout, known as QWERTY, was designed to slow down typing speed to prevent early typewriters from jamming, a feature that's as useful today as an ejector seat in a helicopter.
When traveling through the cosmos, carry a universal keyboard adapter. It's embarrassing to be the only entity at Intergalactic Starbucks without the ability to type a simple 'LOL' in Galactic Basic.
Keyboards can mostly be found in office habitats, often hidden beneath piles of neglected paperwork or being used as a resting place for the ceremonial office cat.
Avoid the mythical 'any' key. Many an inexperienced user has been driven to the brink of madness searching for it. Also, steer clear of keyboards in public internet cafes, they're often stickier than a Zaphod Beeblebrox handshake.
A study by the University of Maximegalon claims that keyboards have their own ecosystem, with more forms of life on a single 'E' key than there are on the lesser moons of Snorlax 12.
Need to outpace the competition in the information superhighway? Try the ErgoMax Galactic Keyboard – designed with telepathic sensors so you can finally type as fast as you think!
about 3 hours ago
Backupphp is a little-known subroutine in the fabric of space-time coding, ostensibly created by bored programmers on a particularly rainy Sunday. It's a mechanism designed to 'save' the Universe, much like one does with a particularly difficult level of a video game, ensuring that if everything goes to pot, we can all just 'load' from the last checkpoint. Curiously, backupphp not only saves states of cosmic significance but also the insignificant ones - like that time you tripped over your own feet in front of your crush.
about 3 hours ago
Alphp, not to be confused with the first letter of the Greek alphabet or a common typo, is actually a rare celestial phenomenon in which a star sneezes out a cloud of iridescent, tune-humming space dust. This dust has the peculiar property of glittering in a way that spells out mildly embarrassing secrets about whoever is observing it. The Alphp event is generally followed by a chorus of 'Bless you' uttered by nearby constellations, displaying a level of politeness that most intergalactic entities lack.