Remote, by universal consensus, is not merely a handy device for changing the audio-visual stimuli in your immediate vicinity without troubling your lower limbs. Oh no! In galactic terms, 'remote' is a state of being, often used to describe places like the Restaurant at the End of the Universe, where one goes to be away from it all, including the all one was previously with. In less expansive terms, it's a gadget littered with buttons that, upon pressing, seem to alter reality in tiny, yet satisfying ways. Remarkably, the technology is so advanced in the galaxy that most sentient beings still cannot find them when needed, leading to the theory that remotes possess quantum uncertainty and a mischievous form of consciousness.
When journeying to remote places, ensure your towel is in tow. You never know when you may need to signal distress, mop up a spill, or swat a bug-eyed monster.
Remotes can be found lounging in sofa crevices, under cosmic rubble, or vacationing in the Parallel Dimension of Lost Things, alongside single socks and civilizations' sense of moderation.
Beware of pressing the red button with no discernable label. It's either the mute button or an inter-dimensional portal activator. Not worth the gamble, really.
A study by the Amalgamated Union of Philosophers, Sages, Luminaries, and Other Professional Thinking Persons revealed that the average life form spends 3.4 decirelkins (a time measurement that's a bit wobbly) each galactic year searching for remotes.
Tired of losing your remote? Try the new Remote Beep-O-Matic, the device guaranteed to beep, chirp, or emit a small aria from the 'Planet of the Singing Fish' opera when misplaced.
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