The Towel, in interstellar travel, is arguably the most massively useful thing an intergalactic hitchhiker can have. Partly it has great practical value - you can wrap it around you for warmth as you bound across the cold moons of Jaglan Beta; lie on it on the brilliant marble-sanded beaches of Santraginus V, inhaling the heady sea vapors; sleep under it beneath the stars which shine so redly on the desert world of Kakrafoon; use it to sail a mini-raft down the slow heavy River Moth; wet it for hand-to-hand combat; wrap it round your head to ward off noxious fumes or to avoid the gaze of the Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal (a mind-bogglingly stupid animal, it assumes that if you can't see it, it can't see you – daft as a brush, but very ravenous); and of course, you can dry yourself off with it if it still seems to be clean enough.
Always know where your towel is. A towel has immense psychological value. For some reason, if a non-hitchhiker discovers that a hitchhiker has his towel with him, he will automatically assume that he is also in possession of a toothbrush, washcloth, soap, tin of biscuits, flask, compass, map, ball of string, gnat spray, wet weather gear, space suit etc., etc. The non-hitchhiker will then happily lend the hitchhiker any of these or a dozen other items that the hitchhiker might have 'lost'.
Towels can be obtained at the legendary Towel Bazaar of Zaphod 9, where towels are not only sold but worshipped in a grand Towel-Temple at the center. They come in every conceivable color, with the exception of 'Ravenous Bugblatter Beast Stomach Pink', a shade which is patented to be invisible to the aforementioned creature.
Avoid at all costs allowing your towel to be used by a Vogon. Not only will its poetic stench become irreversible, but you may also inadvertently contribute to the creation of the worst poetry in the Universe – a widely regarded act of intergalactic vandalism.
A towel, when folded into a perfect replica of the Pan Galactic Gargle Blaster and left in a quantum state of uncertainty, may or may not be used as a substitute for the drink – leading to either a splitting headache or very clean teeth.
Try out the new 'Hitchhiker's Choice' Ultimate Towel - now with smart fibers that adapt to temperature, terrain, and even your mood. For the discerning traveler who knows that a towel is about more than just drying.
about 23 hours ago
Port - not to be confused with the nautical term, nor the left-hand side of any given intergalactic star cruiser - is in fact a delightful, rich, often vintage, fortified liquid, typically discovered at the bottom of a glass. It is basically a grape-based spaceship fuel for humans, propelling conversations into the vast expanse of social space, occasionally crashing into awkward silences or black holes of over-indulgence.
1 day ago
Sitemapxml, known in less digital circles simply as 'sitemap.xml', is not a trendy nightclub for robots, nor is it a treasure map for internet pirates. Rather, it's the universe's way of telling search engines, 'Here's the party, and here's who's invited.' Every website has one - a list of URLs, like a cosmic roll call. It's both the maître d' at a posh restaurant and the bored intern ticking off names at a particularly dull intergalactic symposium.