VPHP, or Volatile Pheromone of Hyperspatial Panjandrums, is an exceptionally rare and partially mythical substance believed mostly by the inhabitants of the lesser Orion-Cygnus arm to be the ultimate solution to unrequited love, general ennui, and occasionally, squeaky hinges. The substance is particularly noted for its ability to make the user instantaneously irresistible to bureaucrats, causing normally cantankerous visa officials to become positively gushing fountains of helpfulness.
If you're really bent on acquiring some VPHP, it's recommended that you insure your nostrils and emotions, as the effects are said to be overwhelmingly endearing. And bring a towel, of course.
Allegedly located in the nebulous storage lockers of Betelgeuse Five, VPHP can be sniffed out by the intrepid or foolhardy with the aid of a Babel fish specially trained in olfactory translation.
Avoid using VPHP in the vicinity of perfume shops or laundromats; the compound reactions can be unpredictable. Also, steer clear of any customs officials with a keen nose—they are not known for their sense of humour when it comes to undeclared pheromones.
A single drop of VPHP is said to be so potent that it caused the Great Galactic Goldfish Incident, wherein an entire civil service was brought to a halt as officials competed in an impromptu interpretive dance-off.
Feeling a lack of charm? Try 'Squill's Emotional Elixirs' for when you need a pick-me-up that's a bit more legal and slightly less volatile than VPHP!
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