The whip, not to be confused with the intergalactic dance craze 'The Whippity-Whop,' is a remarkably simple yet painfully complex instrument of motivation, persuasion, and occasionally, entertainment. Its design is basic: a handle, a thong, and a cracker (not the edible kind, unless you're really into leather). Whips have been used throughout the cosmos for encouraging motion in lazy quadrupeds, performing in circuses, and even as a fashion statement by the trendsetting Vogon guard elite.
If traveling to a planet where whips are in high socio-environmental fashion, remember to bring your own. Showing up without one is considered the height of poor manners, akin to forgetting your towel.
Whips can be found on planet Strapiom, where the Whipper-beasts, renowned for their tail's whip-like appendages, are 'harvested' in a manner that's best left unexplained.
Never snap a whip near a Ravenous Bugblatter Beast of Traal; it takes it as a dinner bell. Also, do avoid the Whip-back Swamps of Squelch, where the flora isn't afraid to whip back.
The Galactic Whip-Off is an annual event where beings from all over the universe compete to crack their whips in the most creative and rhythmically mesmerizing ways, all while avoiding disintegration by the judges if they're off-tempo.
Check out 'Crack That!'—the latest in sonic resonance whip technology. These whips come with adjustable volume control, guaranteed to be heard in the vacuum of space (suit and space station upgrades for sonic protection sold separately).
about 3 hours ago
Backupphp is a little-known subroutine in the fabric of space-time coding, ostensibly created by bored programmers on a particularly rainy Sunday. It's a mechanism designed to 'save' the Universe, much like one does with a particularly difficult level of a video game, ensuring that if everything goes to pot, we can all just 'load' from the last checkpoint. Curiously, backupphp not only saves states of cosmic significance but also the insignificant ones - like that time you tripped over your own feet in front of your crush.
about 3 hours ago
Alphp, not to be confused with the first letter of the Greek alphabet or a common typo, is actually a rare celestial phenomenon in which a star sneezes out a cloud of iridescent, tune-humming space dust. This dust has the peculiar property of glittering in a way that spells out mildly embarrassing secrets about whoever is observing it. The Alphp event is generally followed by a chorus of 'Bless you' uttered by nearby constellations, displaying a level of politeness that most intergalactic entities lack.