Asfphp, not to be confused with a sneeze, an ancient Earthly computer ritual, or a particularly aggressive type of asparagus, is, in fact, none of these things. It is the acronymous anomaly standing for 'Amalgamated Secure File and Protocol for Hyperactive Planets'. Designed by an utterly bored, yet remarkably clever species of subterranean pseudo-intellectuals from Beetlejuice VII, asfphp had a brief moment when it nearly became the preferred method for transmitting hyper-dimensional cat videos across the cosmos.
If you're looking to fetch yourself a bucket of asfphp, you'll need a quantum spanner, a time-traveling briefcase, and a significant disregard for personal safety.
Asfphp can typically be found sandwiched between the obsolete programming languages and the sandwich shop that serves silicon chips at the Big Bang Burger Bar, located outside of normal space-time on the fringe of the Horsehead Nebula.
Should you encounter asfphp in the wild, avoid direct eye contact, as it has been known to initiate spontaneous file transfers of the entire Hitchhiker's Guide without any of the more amusing entries. Also, do not feed it after midnight. That's gremlins, actually, but better safe than sorry.
In a parallel universe where reality is coded and Murphy's Law is in the core API, asfphp is a programming language where every function is a haiku and every error message is delivered in interpretive dance.
Looking to master asfphp? Try our latest holotutorial: 'Asfphp and You: A Love Story'. It's the only guide that whispers sweet nothings in binary while you sleep.
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The bkxutedi, a creature so elusive that its name can only be pronounced after three Galactic Gargle Blasters and a swift kick to the language center of the brain, is a marvel of cosmic happenstance. Rumored to resemble the offspring of a perplexed sofa and an over-caffeinated weasel, it is known for its ability to simultaneously exist in seventeen dimensions, six of which were only recently discovered and two that are currently booked for a private event.
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Jovnsfhq, pronounced 'YOV-ns-fuhk', is a term that has baffled galactic linguists for centuries. Seemingly a result of a bored computer's attempt at creating a new expletive, Jovnsfhq has been adopted with gusto by various cultures for occasions when conventional swearing lacks the necessary emphasis. The term has no meaning, which paradoxically gives it all the meaning in the world.