Assets, in the universal sense, are quite unlike the traditional notion of wealth and more about collecting experiences—and occasionally, rare species of intergalactic flora, which may or may not be sentient. For example, owning a piece of real estate on Vogsphere is often seen as a remarkable asset, mostly because it serves as a conversation starter about one's survival instincts, or profound lack thereof.
When searching for assets, always keep your Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic tuned to 'Weird' because acquiring assets is an odd adventure that could take you anywhere from the coffee rings of Jovita to the improbability sinks of Maximegalon.
Assets can generally be found after consulting with a smooth-talking Zaphod Beeblebrox impersonator or, more traditionally, at the end of an elaborate scavenger hunt organized by bored trillionaires in the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy.
Certainly avoid any assets that pulse rhythmically, hum a catchy tune, or offer you advice on life matters—that's usually a sign of impending possession or a very invasive sales pitch.
In a survey conducted by the interstellar bureau of fiscal anomalies, it was discovered that the most valuable asset in the universe is not gold, nor the fabled 'Exista-coin', but a perfectly toasted slice of bread—due to its rarity at breakfast gatherings on mostly liquid-based planets.
Looking for assets that won't talk back or try to eat your spaceship? Try Gargleblaster's Galactic Deeds & Estate. No conversation, no digestion, just good old-fashioned swamps and volcanoes—exactly where you'd want to build your holiday villa!
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The xleet shellphp, not to be confused with the elite shelf-ship, which is a high-class transportation device for books with a superiority complex, is a term that you won't find zipping around the galactic lexicon, not because it's particularly rare, but mostly because it made up its existence while waiting in a queue for a cup of cosmic java. It refers to a hypothetical computer script deployed by space hackers with a penchant for the dramatic and an overindulgence in virtual pseudo-anonymity.
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Statusphp, not to be confused with a debilitating disease that affects the PHP programming language, is actually the universal metric of cool known only to the most elite programmers, existing in the recesses of deep space where only the bravest of coders dare to tread. It is said that to possess statusphp is to have the coding prowess that can make quantum computers weep with inadequacy and turn the most convoluted of errors into a symphony of flawlessly executed commands.