Assets, in the universal sense, are quite unlike the traditional notion of wealth and more about collecting experiences—and occasionally, rare species of intergalactic flora, which may or may not be sentient. For example, owning a piece of real estate on Vogsphere is often seen as a remarkable asset, mostly because it serves as a conversation starter about one's survival instincts, or profound lack thereof.
When searching for assets, always keep your Sub-Etha Sens-O-Matic tuned to 'Weird' because acquiring assets is an odd adventure that could take you anywhere from the coffee rings of Jovita to the improbability sinks of Maximegalon.
Assets can generally be found after consulting with a smooth-talking Zaphod Beeblebrox impersonator or, more traditionally, at the end of an elaborate scavenger hunt organized by bored trillionaires in the Outer Eastern Rim of the Galaxy.
Certainly avoid any assets that pulse rhythmically, hum a catchy tune, or offer you advice on life matters—that's usually a sign of impending possession or a very invasive sales pitch.
In a survey conducted by the interstellar bureau of fiscal anomalies, it was discovered that the most valuable asset in the universe is not gold, nor the fabled 'Exista-coin', but a perfectly toasted slice of bread—due to its rarity at breakfast gatherings on mostly liquid-based planets.
Looking for assets that won't talk back or try to eat your spaceship? Try Gargleblaster's Galactic Deeds & Estate. No conversation, no digestion, just good old-fashioned swamps and volcanoes—exactly where you'd want to build your holiday villa!
7 days ago
Jlexphp, not to be mistaken with a type of complex sneeze, is actually the lesser-known cousin of the Babel fish's digital interpreter. Known for its uncanny ability to convert incomprehensible alien syntax into moderately less incomprehensible web code, it is believed to have evolved from a coffee spill on a programmer's keyboard that was struck by lightning at precisely 42 seconds past 4:20 PM. It is only visible to those who have consumed at least three pints of the Galactic Gargle Blaster or have a master's degree in computer science, which are roughly equivalent states of mind.
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Antphp, not to be confused with its distant cousin the earthbound ant or the ubiquitous PHP programming language, is the remarkable result of a curious celestial event in which a colony of digital insects evolved to survive in the harsh environment of a low-orbit server farm. Antphp creatures are known for their diligence in data farming and their peculiar habit of hoarding deprecated code snippets, which they worship as divine relics.