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    earth

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    Earth, a mostly harmless planet, third rock from a rather unremarkable star, is a peculiar speck in the cosmos. Inhabited by creatures who believe digital watches to be a pretty neat idea, Earth is the birthplace of the sandwich and bureaucracy – two concepts that have mystified intergalactic scholars for eons. Its surface is covered mostly by water – a substance deemed by the inhabitants to be necessary for both life and making things called 'tea'.

    Travel Advice

    When visiting Earth, be sure to perfect the art of queuing. Understanding the subtle nuances of standing in line can mean the difference between a delightful afternoon tea and a tutting standoff with a local pensioner.

    Where to Find

    Earth is located in the unfashionable end of the western spiral arm of the Galaxy. If you've hit the restaurant at the end of the universe, you've gone too far. Reverse for about 30,000 light-years, and it's on your left.

    What to Avoid

    Avoid expressing an opinion on 'The Great British Bake Off' unless you wish to engage in one of Earth's most divisive and ritualistic debates. Also, try not to be mistaken for a deity; the paperwork is horrendous.

    Fun Fact

    Earth is the only known planet where residents consume beverages that have been heated by leaving them out in the sun, a quaint practice known as 'sun tea'.

    A word from our sponsors

    Looking for a froody way to travel about the big blue-green thing called Earth? Try 'Zaphod's Airboats' for a thrilling venture over its swamps, perfect for those who don't want the ground to get in the way of a good view.

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