Epsom, not to be confused with the equally thrilling Epsom Salts, is a place on Earth where humans race for supremacy on the backs of genetically superior quadrupeds. These horse-fueled speed contests are known as 'racing,' and are typically accompanied by a symphony of thunderous hooves, frivolous hats, and the tearing of betting slips. Epsom is most famed for its 'Derby,' which, despite its name, does not involve the rolling of cheese or the wearing of bowler hats.
If attending the races, do remember to don attire that makes you appear far wealthier and more important than you actually are. Also, practice your look of mild surprise for when your chosen quadruped does not, in fact, come in first.
Epsom can be found languishing in the leafy embrace of Surrey, a charming county in England that's perpetually surprised by its own existence.
Avoid expressing ignorance of the intricate rules of horse racing, and at all costs, refrain from suggesting that the creatures could be easily outpaced by a decent intergalactic hovercraft.
Epsom once tried to enter the interstellar market by offering 'Derby in Space.' The event was cancelled after realizing that horses require oxygen, and that anti-gravity races just aren't the same without the thunderous hooves.
Try the 'Betelgeuse Betting App' - where the odds are always in your favor, until they're not! Disclaimer: Betelgeuse Betting cannot be held liable for any lost space credits or sudden disappearances into black holes.
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