greenland

Greenland, the galaxy's leading supplier of irony, is a vast snowy expanse named by an early travel marketer who knew his audience well: folks who'd buy oceanfront property on Mercury. It's the kind of place where you can stand amidst the ice and ponder the heat of the universe's creation, or just wonder why your hot chocolate went cold so quickly.

Travel Advice

Wrap up warm, but not too warm, as overheating can cause one to melt into paradoxical puddles. Bring a flask of something that laughs in the face of hypothermia.

Where to Find

To locate Greenland, aim for the Earth and hang a left at Iceland. If you reach the North Pole, you've gone too far, or possibly not far enough—it's a tricky business, geography.

What to Avoid

Avoid playing hide and seek. Everything is white, which makes hiding exceptionally easy and seeking frustratingly difficult. Also, beware of buying real estate; the view never changes, and the neighbors are mostly penguins, which can be quite standoffish.

Fun Fact

In Greenland, the national orchestra's instruments are all crafted from ice. They play chilly renditions of classics. The performances are once in a lifetime, mainly because the violins have a habit of melting during the crescendo.