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    humpbacked whale

    Reliability: 75%
    Danger Level: 8%
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    The humpbacked whale, a creature of such immense size and grandiosity that it makes you think nature must have been showing off, or at least compensating for something. It is the sort of animal that if it had the ability to sing opera, it would probably refuse on the grounds that it is too mainstream. Instead, the humpbacked whale prefers to vocalize in a series of moans, groans, and other sounds that one could generously describe as 'whale dubstep'.

    Travel Advice

    When planning to visit the humpbacked whale, patience is key. These creatures have no concept of human schedules and are notoriously difficult to book for luncheons or tea.

    Where to Find

    Most commonly found in the vast, watery depths of oceans, the humpbacked whale is also rumored to inhabit the tears of poets who can't quite capture the sea's majesty in iambic pentameter.

    What to Avoid

    Avoid trying to engage in a deep and meaningful conversation with a humpbacked whale. Their philosophical views are quite out of depth for the average human. Also, don't be that tourist who tries to ride one; it's not a carousel horse.

    Fun Fact

    In an alternate dimension, humpbacked whales are the predominant species on Earth and have evolved to walk on land. They spend their days pondering the meaning of the universe and composing haikus about plankton.

    A word from our sponsors

    Consider investing in 'WhaleComms', the latest and futile attempt to translate whale song into human speech. It's bound to be a conversation starter at parties, provided you enjoy watching people slowly back away.

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