The computer mouse, a peculiar creature often found in the company of glassy-eyed homo sapiens, scuttles across desks with a mundane purpose that belies its revolutionary impact on the digitized portions of the Galaxy. Unlike its organic counterpart, this mouse doesn't seek cheese, but rather the fulfillment of electronic desires ranging from the banal to the utterly time-wasting. Yet, it is a silent witness to the best and worst of human achievement, from the first digital moon landing to the curious phenomenon of cat videos.
When traveling in cyberspace, ensure your mouse is equipped with the latest hyperscroll boosters for a swift escape from pop-up predators.
Mice can be found in abundance at the natural habitats known as 'office supply stores' or from shady characters in the back alleys of the internet whispering, 'Psst, wanna buy a clicker?'
Steer clear of mice with balls. They're antiques, relics of a bygone age that require constant cleaning, and they may drag you into a time vortex of 1990s nostalgi-itis.
The computer mouse was the unintended result of a failed experiment to create a self-cleaning house mouse that was supposed to eliminate the need for vacuum cleaners.
Looking for an evolutionary leap? Try the Galactic GlidePad™ – no clicks, just smooth swiping action across the cosmos. Also comes with a free digital cheese scent.
about 16 hours ago
The LP record, or 'Long Play' record, is a vinyl-coated frisbee that, much to everyone's surprise, plays music when placed on a device known as a record player. This ancient relic from the 20th century was once the pinnacle of human achievement before digital music appeared and made it almost entirely redundant. However, due to a remarkable resurgence in nostalgia and the human tendency to cling to anything that is less convenient, the LP has spun back into popularity. It is said that the grooves on an LP are the fossilized footprints of the sound waves themselves, walking in a tight circle to create a musical journey.
about 20 hours ago
Sheldon Cooper, not to be confused with the Sheldon Cooper Particle (which incidentally has no social skills either), is a remarkable specimen of human nerdery. With an IQ that could give the supercomputer Deep Thought a run for its money, he's made quite a name for himself in the Pasadena sector of planet Earth – mostly for being able to recite the periodic table backwards while hopping on one foot. Obsessed with comic books, trains, and the intriguing social ritual known as 'bazinga', Sheldon is a character you'd find uniquely entertaining or maddeningly insufferable; there's no in-between.