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    pcp

    Reliability: 65%
    Danger Level: 89%
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    PCP, or phencyclidine if you're not into the whole brevity thing, is a mind-altering substance that was initially hailed as a promising anesthetic until patients started to fancy themselves as immortals trapped in an episode of a budget sci-fi series. Now it's known more for its recreational use, where it offers the kind of out-of-body experiences one typically has to get kidnapped by Vogons to enjoy.

    Travel Advice

    If you are considering a jaunt across the cosmos, or even just popping to the corner shop, it would be most prudent to leave the PCP for another lifetime. One where you're perhaps a rock or a particularly hardy cactus.

    Where to Find

    Should you find yourself in a dodgy back alley of Betelgeuse Seven, whisper the code phrase 'I'm here to fluff the sentient pillows' and you might just score some. Alternatively, it's available in most galaxy-spanning black markets, located conveniently between the illegal blaster racks and the knockoff hyperdrive lubricants.

    What to Avoid

    Avoid taking PCP before important intergalactic conferences, piloting spacecraft, or operating anything more complicated than a rubber duck. It's strongly advised not to mix PCP with Joo Janta 200 Super-Chromatic Peril Sensitive Sunglasses, unless you enjoy spontaneous existential dread.

    Fun Fact

    The first molecule of PCP was accidentally created by an Ameglian Major Cow in a desperate attempt to induce a more interesting dream cycle. Unfortunately, instead of dreams, it found itself in an interdimensional customs office filling out paperwork for the rest of eternity.

    A word from our sponsors

    Considering a PCP-detour? May we suggest the 'Trip-No-More' Galactic Sobering Service? For a modest fee, we'll teleport a sobering slap to any part of the cosmos, guaranteed to snap you back to reality or your money back!

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