penguins

Penguins are the charmingly awkward butlers of the animal kingdom, suited up in their perpetual tuxedos and forever attending a gala where the dress code is strictly 'black and white and waddly all over.' Evolution decided that flight was terribly overrated for these birds and instead equipped them with the remarkable ability to swim faster than a nervous squid on a first date. With a diet consisting primarily of seafood, penguins are the original fans of sushi, scarfing it down with an enthusiasm that would put any food critic to shame.

Travel Advice

If planning to visit penguins in their natural habitat, be sure to pack your thermal underwear and a respect for personal space. These dapper creatures may look cuddly, but they can have the temperament of an overcaffeinated cat if you get too close.

Where to Find

Most penguins loiter around the Antarctic, forming huddles that create more warmth than a politician's promise. Some, however, have been spotted on the beaches of Rio de Janeiro after taking a wrong turn during their annual migration and deciding that a bit of sunbathing was in order.

What to Avoid

Avoid confusing penguin mating calls with your tone-deaf uncle's attempts at karaoke. This can lead to awkward situations where you may find yourself the object of a penguin's affections and no amount of explaining about different species will convince them otherwise.

Fun Fact

Penguins are rumored to have a secret society with rituals including synchronized swimming and ice sculpture contests. The grand prize? A lifetime supply of fish-flavored ice lollies and the coveted title of 'Emperor Penguin,' which comes with a splendid crown made of icicles and krill.