Mars, not to be confused with the candy bar, which is infinitely less rocky and substantially more edible, is the fourth rock from the Sun and incidentally, the second smallest planet in the solar system – rather like Pluto's ego. It's known as the Red Planet, due to its noticeable rust issues, which scientists assure are geological in nature, though one can't help but wonder if it just left its atmosphere in the rain for too long.
When gallivanting across the cosmos, a jaunt to Mars is a must, if only to say you've been and to collect some crimson dust for your intergalactic dust collection. However, do remember to pack a sweater; the Martian atmosphere is thinner than a supermodel's dinner and doesn't retain heat, much like an ex's icy gaze.
You'll find Mars circling the celestial dance floor approximately 227.9 million kilometers from the DJ booth, otherwise known as the Sun. If you've hit the asteroid belt, you've gone too far. It's the one blushing red with embarrassment, or possibly iron oxide.
Avoid making loud noises near the Mars rovers; they're shy creatures and may scuttle off, leaving tire tracks on your space-suit. Also, stay clear of the Martian Face; it's notoriously cranky about selfies and photobombs.
A day on Mars is 24.6 hours, which means if you're a fan of the Earth's 24-hour daily regime, you're in for a mild case of temporal discomfort. Mars also has the largest dust storms in the solar system - they can last for months and cover the entire planet. This is why the Martian Weather Service's most frequent forecast is 'expect a light breeze, followed by apocalyptic oblivion.'
Tired of Earth's banal gravity? Try the Mars Anti-Gravitational Boots™! Now with 62.5% less gravity-pull than Earth, perfect for those high jumps and low expectations!
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