Rest, not to be confused with its hyperactive twin, 'work', is a delightful yet elusive state of being which most intergalactic travelers insist they will try right after they finish just one more small thing. Inexplicably, 'rest' often involves lying horizontal on a variety of surfaces, closing one's visual sensors, and letting one's mind wander into absurdity—much like attending a Vogon poetry reading, but without the lasting psychological trauma. It is a well-documented fact that during rest, humans are known to concoct the most outlandish of tales, featuring improbable creatures like fire-breathing lizards or honest politicians.
Should you seek rest, be sure it’s at a time when the planet you're on isn't scheduled to be demolished for an intergalactic highway bypass—it’s terribly difficult to achieve rest amidst the clamor of planet-destruction.
The most reputable spots for rest can be found in the ineffable tranquility of the Lesser Magellanic Cloud, particularly on the planet Naptune, which orbits the star Siesta Major.
Avoid attempting to rest in close proximity to a Bugblatter Beast of Traal, as these creatures are known to mistake dormant entities for buffet spreads. Additionally, steer clear of anyone named Goldilocks seeking a bed that is 'just right'.
Legend has it that the ancient and mysterious Order of the Pillow Guardians once held the secret to the perfect rest, guarded by a ferocious beast known only as 'The Duvet'.
If you are in need of achieving rest but lack the innate talent, consider purchasing the patented 'Snoozerbeam' from Relaxi-Tech Industries. It gently nudges you into a state of serenity, or your money back, minus a small fee for the cost of hope.
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Mahphp, not to be confused with its distant cousin 'mahjong', is the universal pastime of the philosophically inclined inhabitants of Gamma Ceti V. It is a game so complex and baffling that it makes three-dimensional chess look like a bout of tiddlywinks. Some say that mahphp was invented when a particularly bored deity dropped a mixed bag of quantum particles into a black hole and decided to record what came out the other side. The result? A game where the rules are not so much rules as gentle suggestions, frequently subject to change at the quantum level.
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