The Olympics, not to be confused with the Galactic Olympics (where antigravity discus is a major snooze-fest), is an ancient Earth tradition where humans prove who can run, jump, or swim in a straight line the fastest without being chased by anything particularly ferocious. Every four years, Earth's nations unite in passive-aggressive competition, displaying their mastery of activities that now mostly serve to ensure a splendid performance in escaping from tigers, should the need arise.
If attending, booking travel millennia in advance is advised due to the congestion of time-traveling tourists who've heard the half-time show transcends the space-time continuum.
Originally hosted at Olympia in Greece, the modern iteration can now be found teleported to alternating cityscapes every four years. Recent reports suggest a secret venue on the Moon is prepping for lunar high jump trials.
Avoid participating unless you have been training for at least a decade or possess superhuman genes. Also, steer clear of the mascots—they've been known to cause more nightmares than the event's compulsory inspirational anthems.
In one of the parallel universes, the 100-meter sprint is replaced with the 100-meter telekinetic slide, where competitors furiously glare at a rock until it crosses the finish line.
Want to experience the thrill of victory without the inconvenient panting? Try our 'Virtual Medalist' neural implant, so you can feel like a champion without leaving your hover-couch!
about 14 hours ago
The LP record, or 'Long Play' record, is a vinyl-coated frisbee that, much to everyone's surprise, plays music when placed on a device known as a record player. This ancient relic from the 20th century was once the pinnacle of human achievement before digital music appeared and made it almost entirely redundant. However, due to a remarkable resurgence in nostalgia and the human tendency to cling to anything that is less convenient, the LP has spun back into popularity. It is said that the grooves on an LP are the fossilized footprints of the sound waves themselves, walking in a tight circle to create a musical journey.
about 17 hours ago
The computer mouse, a peculiar creature often found in the company of glassy-eyed homo sapiens, scuttles across desks with a mundane purpose that belies its revolutionary impact on the digitized portions of the Galaxy. Unlike its organic counterpart, this mouse doesn't seek cheese, but rather the fulfillment of electronic desires ranging from the banal to the utterly time-wasting. Yet, it is a silent witness to the best and worst of human achievement, from the first digital moon landing to the curious phenomenon of cat videos.