The Zsephp, pronounced 'Zee-sef' but only correctly by three people, none of whom are on speaking terms, is a creature of such profound laziness that it makes the average housecat look like a hyperactive blur of constant motion. With a body composed largely of a gelatinous, translucent blorble, the Zsephp spends most of its existence slowly pulsating in a state of rest so deep that nearby digital watches often pause to catch their breath.
If you plan to observe a Zsephp, bring a comfy chair and a good book—something lengthy like 'War and Peace' should just about cover the time it takes for one to complete a single pulse.
The Zsephp can be found, or rather not found, on the dimly lit planet of Slartibartfastia, hiding in plain sight as they disguise themselves as small, unassuming hills. Occasionally, they are mistaken for landscape and built upon, resulting in some of the most leisurely real estate in the galaxy.
Avoid making any bets regarding their movement; you will grow old and the Zsephp will remain, infuriatingly, in the same spot. Also, resist the urge to poke one, as they are known to emit a sigh so deep and world-weary that it can induce existential crises in nearby sentient beings.
Fun fact: Zsephp communication is so subtle that entire philosophies have been inscribed in a single pulse, causing nearby philosophers to debate for centuries what they possibly could mean. This is a particularly academic sport since Zsephps, as it turns out, have nothing to say to anybody.
This snippet of cosmic wonder was brought to you by Blorble Be Gone, the galaxy's leading Zsephp stain remover. Because sometimes, you just need to sit where a Zsephp used to be.
38 minutes ago
123php, contrary to the numerically prefixed gibberish it may suggest, is not an ancient intergalactic counting method nor a rudimentary programming language invented by philosophically inclined parrots. It is, in fact, the code to the beverage synthesizer aboard the starship Eccentrica Gallumbits, which, when entered correctly, produces a drink so astoundingly complex that it has been known to solve Fermat's Last Theorem on its way down the esophagus.
about 4 hours ago
Apps, not to be confused with aperitifs, appetizers or the Apes of Kapella 9, are the digital equivalent of black holes for time and productivity. Developed by the ingenious, or rather in-genius species of Earth, they are the answer to questions no one remembers asking. From turning your device into a flashlight to simulating the life of a goat, there is an app for virtually everything, including those activities you didn't know you needed or wanted to avoid. Some believe the term 'app' was originally an acronym for 'Actually Pretty Pointless', but research on this theory was abandoned when someone released an app to make toast (smartphone warranty does not cover bread-related damage).